Comments from the Peanut Gallery

You are about to get a big dose of unedited Andrea. I am not sure if it's that in general people are becoming more "comfortable" with our lifestyle or the choices we have made to not only be foster parents, but to go above and beyond and actually "GASP" love our kids as well as their parents...I guess that makes us even crazier then the regular brand of foster parents...I digress...anyway I don't know if its because of one thing or another but I have noticed that lately people have become far more bold and forthright in their interest of our family. The questions and comments I get on a weekly basis are incredibly. I truly do believe that peoples questions come from a perspective of wanting to understand and honestly maybe some ignorance, but some days I am out of grace so I sit, smile and nod. So in the spirit of education and interest here are some of the most frequently asked questions and or comments I get, along with my witty answers I almost never remember to give.

Q. How in the world could you ever give that child back, do you just not bond with them?

A. Well we give them back because the state says we have to;) and we bond with each of the kids in our home. In our family biology has nothing to do with attachment. In fact because of the needs of our kids we find that attaching is often pretty immediate. Not being attached does not play into that question at all.

Q. So is that baby a drug baby?

A. We do our best to not discuss private medical concerns about our kids, if you need to know something we will make sure you do, if not, or if you don't even know our name, just that we are those foster parents, please do not ask for personal information. I may smile to your face and be gracious but in all reality I am cringing at your lack of respect and manners.

A. (my secret answer I would love to give but Jesus in me will not let me be so snarky is, "is your child a DRUG baby?")

Q. Does it hurt to give them back or are you just used to it?

A. Of course it hurts, we love them and no matter how ready every one is for them to transition home, that transition ends our story with them, while beginning their story with their parent. It is an end of our time as parents to them, we lose a child in the process. It hurts deeply to lose a child, whether we signed up for such a life or not.

A. (my secret snarky answer) would it hurt you if someone asked you to give your child away?

Q. How does your "real" child feel about you being foster parents?

A. I understand that they are asking if our oldest daughter who is biological is okay with the constant ebb and flow of our life. I just wish people would not use labels like "real" when talking about children because it implies that our other kids are not "real" to us. To be honest my heart hurts that Hannah has experienced the level of loss in her life that she has, but I take comfort in the truth that God would not call us to something that would cause her irreparable harm. Our rule is that we ask her at the time of each placement if she is ready and there are times that she is not, and so we wait. In general she loves fostering and all of her siblings she has been blessed with, but if course it does not come without a cost and her heart breaks when they leave. I also take comfort in some words a friend offered to me, in that children face pain all through out thier growing up years and it shapes who they are.

My number one comment I get is " you must be a saint, I could never do what you do!" now please understand I like compliments like the next gal, I love when you compliment my hair, my clothes, my kids behavior, but it is so hard to take this comment. I am most definently not a saint, in fact I got involved as a foster parent because of a need I wanted to fulfill in my own life. I became a foster parent out of purely selfish motives, I wanted to be a mama to more kids and it was where God led us to accomplish that need. Secondly there is not any special power in me that makes me better suited for this life than anyone else. God calls us to where he wants us and its up to us to obey...I am still working on that part.

So these are just a few of what I Like to call inappropriately asked questions and comments and their not so politically correct responses. Check back for my next installment titled, "The Questions I Wish People Would Ask and the Responses I Would Give for Them" it's catchy I know.